The feeling is like drowning, my body is so alive and yet so terrified.
Each breath pulling my mind away from the madness.
The madness creeping back in the space between the breaths.
Control slips away in that split second of loss of awareness.
It jumps straight back into hell.
The fires licking the depths of my soul.
Knowing that awareness and presence are the key to unlock this jail.
Mind filling with projected thoughts and realities.
Knowing that they are not true, but feeling that they are true.
The depth of this pain is unbelievable and yet I know that this depth is not a reality, its a projected interpretation of what I fear the most. This fear feels alive in my heart and I “believe” every second of it.
I am powerful, I am alive, I am in this world and I am of this world. I know that this power is real and that to be centred is the ideal situation. These are the deep ebbs of our existence. They are just as amazing as the high peaks we hit. Sit in this moment and don’t run away into the fantasy that I have projected. I have no power over anything else but myself. This illusion of power is a theme that has played out in my life. Its called control not power. I need to be in control and that control is what controls me…